Don C. Schneider

Don C. Schneider is the president of the North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists. He has his own TV show called Really Living. Really Living features Adventists who are evidently not pretend-living, they are (you guessed it) really living.

Schneider was a runner up in the recent Adventist popularity contest here on Caricatures of Adventists. He was barely edged out by David Asscherick. Although he did not win, he deserves his own caricature (you're welcome).

Schneider had surgery in October for a cyst in his brain. The cyst affected his vision and gate. Internet reports reveal that he is making a good recovery after the surgery.

Here's a nursery rhyme about Don Schneider:

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey (this was before she became a vegan).
Along came a spider dressed up like Don Schneider
And invited Miss Muffet to attend an evangelistic meeting.

THE END

The Adventist News Network reports the church is tightening its belt:

Seventh-day Adventist Church leaders announced financial restraints and cutbacks to deal with the current economic situation, ranging from delaying pay increases and budgeted increases in appropriations to reducing travel budgets and relocating executive meetings. Also, a hiring freeze is in effect for the church's General Conference, one of several entities at the church's headquarters building near Washington, D.C.

[Pictured above from left to right: GC vice presidents Ella Simmons, Armando Miranda, Mark Finley, GC president Jan Paulsen, and vice presidents Pardon Mwansa and Eugene Hsu]

Obama - Not an Adventist

Just to satisfy you curious souls who can't sleep until you know for sure, President-elect Barack Obama is not Adventist, and so far, nobody has been able to conclusively demonstrate that he has any family connections to Adventism. So you can stop asking.

And he's not a Muslim either, in case you were still unaware of that fact. Now you know.

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Now taking orders for this uniquely Adventist holiday gift.*

*Because of overwhelming popular demand, I have decided that this joke should become reality. People might actually buy this. Stay tuned for more.

Chuck Scriven calls for beefing up

There's a story behind this, and you can read it over at Spectrum.

How David Asscherick Became Rob Bell

David Asscherick is an Adventist evangelist and the main man for ARISE Institute (and please do not leave out the "I"). Asscherick (pronounced ASH-rick) won the Caricatures of Adventists who's-the-most-popular-Adventist contest by 4 votes over second place finishers Don C. Schneider and Hans Deihl. The prize for winning that popularity contest is the caricature above. Congratulations.

I also decided to tell David Asscherick's life story, or something close to it. Relatively little is known about Asscherick's early years, but they might have looked something like this:In order to fit in with other kids his age, young David wore a rubber mask and fought crime.He went through that awkward teenage phase that we all go through.As he matured, he began to transform into a nice young man who used to be a punk rocker and extreme sports enthusiast, but isn't any more. Except he still likes surfing and rock climbing, which could be considered extreme by some Adventists' standards.Now he preaches to youths and old people too, and he wears trendy glasses.David Asscherick, the guy who used to look like Alfalfa now looks like a postmodern, urban guy.In order to complete the transformation from somewhat geek to somewhat chic, David Asscherick stopped combing his hair to one side in order to look like...Rob Bell, who is a famous postmodern Christian guy who makes short movies with edgy themes. David Asscherick, who is sort of famous, but not really postmodern also makes short movies that are kind of edgy, in an Adventist way.
The End.