Amazing Flax Creates Sunday Law Alert System

Amazing Flax unveiled its Sunday Law Threat Alerts warning chart today. Citing the immanent threat of a universal Sunday Law, the natural foods media empire called for a heightened state of vigilance for Sabbath keepers.

"This chart provides a way for Sabbath keepers to stay aware of the threat posed by the coalition of Sunday worshipers and government entities," said Amazing Flax speaker/directer Shrug Thatchelor.

Upon release of the chart, the threat level was immediately elevated to "somewhere between Lamblike Beast and Whore of Babylon," according to an Amazing Flax spokesperson.

Reaction from Sabbath keepers varied, from "Meh," at the Laodicean Sabbatarian Fellowship in California to "Everyone to the basement!" at the Get Your Own Oil Reformed Adventist Congregation in Michigan.

Asked for further elaboration on the making of the chart, Thatchelor stated, "The chart is based on the universal symbol of the National Sunday Law, the Catholic Pope. The threat is particularly high because this pope, like no other in history, has won over even secular governments. We are seeing the whole world wonder after this beast."

After Pro-Women Vote, Pastor Doug Returns to Cave

Seventh-day Adventist MegaPastor-Evangelist Doug Batchelor is reportedly walking away from his Amazing Facts empire after a proposal to allow women to be presidents within the denomination "went south."

After news broke that in North America, women would be allowed to challenge men for top positions following an overwhelming vote in favor of not restricting conference presidency to people with "boy parts," Batchelor said on his radio show, "I didn't go to semen-ary just to see this happen. Come to think of it, I didn't go to semen-ary."

The senior pastor of the Sacramento Central Adventist Church told his members that he would be returning to the cave of his youth where he could "swim in the buff without having to worry about women." According to reports, Batchelor will also be selling off his media-related assets, which include a satellite, a radio show, a television show, an internet show, a website with a "donate" button, and several "viral" videos in which he can be seen claiming that women should not be attend seminaries because the root of the word seminary is "semen" which women clearly do not possess (this is actually true). The videos do not, however, place any prohibitions on women who give semen-ars.

With the wealth from the Amazing Facts selloff, Batchelor is expected to reclaim his former title of "The Richest Caveman" as he returns to his cave. Sources tell us that he is already in negotiations with Amazing Facts TV concerning a proposed reality show entitled "The MAN Cave: No Girls Allowed."

And remember--It doesn't matter if it's true or not if you read it on the Internets.

Doug is my Favorite!

I just really like doing caricatures of Doug Batchelor. He is soooo caricaturable!

Pastor Doug does a Governor Palin

You might find this interesting (or you might not). Pastor Doug Batchelor, speaker / director of Amazing Facts preached a long-winded sermon on homosexuality. You can watch the video on the AF website under a large banner that says, ironically, "Everlasting Gospel". Not that good news has much to do with it. But whatever.

The video has a couple of interesting lines in it. Like the statement that Jesus predicted this would be one of the obvious signs of the end. Interesting. I don't think Jesus ever mentioned homosexuality. But then, the facts there are supposed to be amazing...

Weimar and Amazing Facts Join Forces

Amazing Facts and Weimar College have made buzz online recently with the announcement that they will join together. Weimar, in Northern California, closed its doors after dealing with financial inviability. Amazing Facts stepped in and gave Weimar a Fannie Mae / Freddie Mac-like bailout. Pastor Doug Batchelor, head honcho at Amazing Facts, recently announced that Dr. Neil Nedley, a relatively well-known Adventist doctor would assume the role of president of the newly reincarnate Weimar College.

Commenting on Nedley's acceptance of the Weimar presidency, Batchelor said, "I can’t imagine a more thrilling development for the future of Weimar! His addition to this new partnership between Amazing Facts and Weimar is a match made in heaven."

Richest Caveman

Doug Batchelor is an excellent example of the pendulum effect. Batchelor was born to wealthy, influential parents. He grew up a rather undisciplined boy, living life to the fullest, if you know what I mean. From that end of the pendulum, he swung to the other end as a result of time spent in a cave in the desert of Southern California. He wrote about the cave experience in his book, "The Richest Caveman."
In the cave, Batchelor found a Bible, which would thereafter become his primary means of earning a living. Batchelor became a Seventh-day Adventist pastor and eventually the head honcho of Amazing Facts, which recently made news by merging with Weimar Institute.*

In the cave, he was often naked. He now wears suits. In the cave, he had long hair. He now enjoys a more polished look. How the pendulum swings!


*Faulty information corrected thanks to "lmerklin". Batchelor was incorrectly listed as founder of Amazing Facts, when in fact it has been around since 1966 - Amazing!

Doug Batchelor Sketch

Which is not to say that Doug Batchelor is sketchy...Necessarily.

Doug Batchelor

The thing about Doug Batchelor that makes him so fun to do as a caricature is that he is a caricature already. I mean that in a good way, of course. His features are well-defined, slightly exaggerated on their own, and lend themselves to caricaturing quite nicely. And then there's the fact that he lived in a cave before becoming an Adventist preacher. That is really the frosting on the cake!