Fascinating Adventist Mathematics

also on Spectrum

Separated at Birth?

Meet Michael Steele, A Republican politician recently appointed Chair of the RNC. Could he be Adventist Evangelist Doug Batchelor's long lost twin brother? Consider the evidence:Both do the clasped hands=sincerity thingBoth know the power shake routineBoth enjoy a good photo op

Both talk with their hands

Michael Steele = 13 letters. Doug Batchelor = 13 letters

Both men lean far to the right. Both men wear oval-shaped glasses. Both men sport the "deforestation" hairdo. Both men counter their "low tide" hairstyles with dapper moustaches.

COINCIDENCE??? You be the judge.

Jay Gallimore

Jay Gallimore is the president of the Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. According to the Michigan Conference website, "The president is the spiritual leader of those in ministry and overseer of all the churches."

Gallimore likes evangelism. A lot. He is a former evangelist himself (though he still does evangelistic meetings), and he works with David Asscherick's ARISE Institute and Louis Torres's Mission College of Evangelism. By "works with" I mean hires people from the field schools of evangelism to work in the Michigan Conference.

2009! Year of Evangelism?

The GC has dubbed 2009 the Year of Evangelism. So here's some wishes for the new year from Mark Finley, Shawn Boonstra, and Doug Batchelor--three of Adventism's best known evangelistic people.

David Gates

David Gates is a well-known missionary pilot who works out of Guyana in South America. Gates, a director of ADRA in the region, also speaks extensively to audiences around the world. He has generated significant buzz lately for his teaching that Jesus must return by or before 2031, and that the current global economic crunch will lead to an apocalyptic doomsday scenario that will usher in the Second Coming.

If it seems his head is in the clouds, remember that what goes up must come down. There's your mixed metaphor for the day.

You can read more about his unique teachings and see video clips by following this link.

How David Asscherick Became Rob Bell

David Asscherick is an Adventist evangelist and the main man for ARISE Institute (and please do not leave out the "I"). Asscherick (pronounced ASH-rick) won the Caricatures of Adventists who's-the-most-popular-Adventist contest by 4 votes over second place finishers Don C. Schneider and Hans Deihl. The prize for winning that popularity contest is the caricature above. Congratulations.

I also decided to tell David Asscherick's life story, or something close to it. Relatively little is known about Asscherick's early years, but they might have looked something like this:In order to fit in with other kids his age, young David wore a rubber mask and fought crime.He went through that awkward teenage phase that we all go through.As he matured, he began to transform into a nice young man who used to be a punk rocker and extreme sports enthusiast, but isn't any more. Except he still likes surfing and rock climbing, which could be considered extreme by some Adventists' standards.Now he preaches to youths and old people too, and he wears trendy glasses.David Asscherick, the guy who used to look like Alfalfa now looks like a postmodern, urban guy.In order to complete the transformation from somewhat geek to somewhat chic, David Asscherick stopped combing his hair to one side in order to look like...Rob Bell, who is a famous postmodern Christian guy who makes short movies with edgy themes. David Asscherick, who is sort of famous, but not really postmodern also makes short movies that are kind of edgy, in an Adventist way.
The End.

Asscherick Wins!

The 3,729 votes have been tabulated, and the winner of the Caricatures of Adventists popularity contest is David Asscherick, the Adventist evangelist and ARISE guy (not - a wise guy). Of course that this all means Asscherick will be the next lucky candidate to by visually dismantled by the Adventist Caricaturist. Congratulations to David Asscherick, and thanks to all 3,729 of you who participated in the poll!

Stay tuned for a lovely, original caricature of D. A. and more opportunities to have your say right here on Caricatures of Adventists.

Asscherick Takes the Lead

In early polling (see the sidebar on the right), David Asscherick has a growing lead over Hans Diel and Don Schneider. With only a few days of voting left, can Asscherick ride this wave all the way to the finish line where the Adventist Caricaturist's ruthless pen awaits? Only YOU can decide that!

Doug is my Favorite!

I just really like doing caricatures of Doug Batchelor. He is soooo caricaturable!

Pastor Doug does a Governor Palin

You might find this interesting (or you might not). Pastor Doug Batchelor, speaker / director of Amazing Facts preached a long-winded sermon on homosexuality. You can watch the video on the AF website under a large banner that says, ironically, "Everlasting Gospel". Not that good news has much to do with it. But whatever.

The video has a couple of interesting lines in it. Like the statement that Jesus predicted this would be one of the obvious signs of the end. Interesting. I don't think Jesus ever mentioned homosexuality. But then, the facts there are supposed to be amazing...

Boonstra on the Boob Tube

Adventism has its own honest-to-goodness televangelist, Shawn Boonstra. A friend of mine living in the Los Angeles Metroplex says that Shawn Boonstra was on KCAL 9 TV last Sunday morning (competing with Joel Osteen on the Fox affiliate).

Boonstra gets Gangsta in LA

Boonstra, who took over It Is Written after Mark Finley had "other stuff to do" at the GC (Finley's a vice-president), has apparently getting some face time in Los Angeles. Sources close to the situation (i.e. Southern California Conference of SDA's) reveal that Shawn Boonstra is going to be the speaker for a massive campaign to turn Southern California Adventist green (it's a real color, I'm not even kidding!). The campaign called cLAim is a ramped up revelation seminar-type thing that sources say will cost $1 million. I wonder how much it costs to get Boonstra on KCAL 9.

My friend who spotted Boonstra on the Tube says that his message was part of a series entitled "In Tables of Stone", which unsurprisingly is about Adventism's favorite topic--besides the three R's: Revelation, Remnant and Revelry (meat, jewelry and dancing)--the 10 Commandments!

Boonstra reportedly told a story about some Russian guy who kidnapped a girl. Everyone was outraged that the guy would do such a thing. So that's how we know that postmodernism is wrong. There ARE absolute moral values because everyone just KNEW that it is wrong to kidnap a girl and make her your captive. Postmodernism says that everything is relative, and that one person's morals are just as good as someone else's. But we KNOW that it's not true because of the story of the Russian guy. And that's why we should follow the 10 Commandments!

I wonder how well a message like that is going to go down in LA. Shawn Boonstra is obviously not gangsta. He's not really fly for a white guy. He can't lean like a cholo.

I guess he does have the "in" of being a TV star...kind of. So that should get him a little respect in Hollywood at least. And come to think of it, there are probably lots of people in LA who can identify with a message about tablets and stone--those Californians... It'll be interesting to see how the Million Dollar Man does next year in the hood. Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, enjoy these screenshots my Cal Pal got for me:

Editoon - George Bush and the Evangelist

For Spectrum Magazine

Weimar and Amazing Facts Join Forces

Amazing Facts and Weimar College have made buzz online recently with the announcement that they will join together. Weimar, in Northern California, closed its doors after dealing with financial inviability. Amazing Facts stepped in and gave Weimar a Fannie Mae / Freddie Mac-like bailout. Pastor Doug Batchelor, head honcho at Amazing Facts, recently announced that Dr. Neil Nedley, a relatively well-known Adventist doctor would assume the role of president of the newly reincarnate Weimar College.

Commenting on Nedley's acceptance of the Weimar presidency, Batchelor said, "I can’t imagine a more thrilling development for the future of Weimar! His addition to this new partnership between Amazing Facts and Weimar is a match made in heaven."

Shawn Boonstra

Shawn Boonstra is from Canada. He is a Canadian evangelist, eh? But he is the speaker / director for It Is Written, which is based in the United States. Boonstra's face has been on Television screens around the world.

Shawn Boonstra is really serious about the gospel going to ALL the world. According to the It Is Written website, "upcoming efforts include a major effort in Los Angeles in 2009, continued outreach in the Arctic, Kalahari and other remote locations."

This guy spends big bucks to get to those hard to get to places. No Eskimo or Bushman left behind! His motto is "speak softly, and wear a loud tie."

[Requested by fellow Frisian, David Hamstra - one stra to another, eh?]

Kenneth Cox [updated]

Kenneth Cox is a pastor-evangelist, who like many other famous (relatively speaking) Adventist pastor-evangelists has a relatively dramatic conversion experience behind his ministry. OK, it's not THAT dramatic. A literature evangelist (wildly popular among Adventist teens, or used to be...or maybe never quite as popular as Adventist urban legend suggests) left a tract at the Cox home.
The Cox family was converted and Kenneth (who was 14 at the time) later became an evangelist with the very same group that dropped the tract at his home. That was the Voice of Prophecy, in case you were curious.

If you're into the 3ABN scene, you'll certainly be familiar with Kenneth Cox from his frequent appearences during which he covers such topics as practical godliness...and more!

But the real reason we love him is that Ken Cox is a caricature waiting to happen. His marvelously gregarious set of teeth are the first thing to greet you, and his wonderful, meticulously coiffured silver-blue up-do make Cox appear as if he really belongs somewhere among the clouds - way beyond the blue.

And on top of it all, his prophecy charts are second to none!

Richest Caveman

Doug Batchelor is an excellent example of the pendulum effect. Batchelor was born to wealthy, influential parents. He grew up a rather undisciplined boy, living life to the fullest, if you know what I mean. From that end of the pendulum, he swung to the other end as a result of time spent in a cave in the desert of Southern California. He wrote about the cave experience in his book, "The Richest Caveman."
In the cave, Batchelor found a Bible, which would thereafter become his primary means of earning a living. Batchelor became a Seventh-day Adventist pastor and eventually the head honcho of Amazing Facts, which recently made news by merging with Weimar Institute.*

In the cave, he was often naked. He now wears suits. In the cave, he had long hair. He now enjoys a more polished look. How the pendulum swings!


*Faulty information corrected thanks to "lmerklin". Batchelor was incorrectly listed as founder of Amazing Facts, when in fact it has been around since 1966 - Amazing!

Doug Batchelor Sketch

Which is not to say that Doug Batchelor is sketchy...Necessarily.

Mark Finley