Friday, July 30, 2010

This would be a good joke, except it's true

Found this bit of good cheer across the way at Spectrum. Apparently Adventists everywhere are working FOUR DAY WEEKS nowadays. It might please you to know that Caricatures of Adventists is ALWAYS on the job. Except of course for Sabbath. Naturally not that one. Naturally.

Credit where it's due: stole this graphic right off the Spectrum blog bcuz I liked it so much.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Guest Submission: Dance With Me

I received this submission from some anonymous rabble rouser who apparently likes the Simpsons. And makes a fine statement in fine style. Have a gander (click on image to view large):

And thanks anonymous mischief-maker, whoever you are 

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Grapevine: News from Around Adventism

Adventist Chef Nearly Infiltrates Jesuit University

Dr. Thayne McCulloh is the new president at Gonzaga University, and he has a message for faculty and students at the Jesuit institution: “Watch out for Brian Mallow-Shanks.” Mallow- Shanks, from the New Hope Seventh-day Adventist Church in Chesterton Connecticut, was caught this week in an elaborate scheme to “infiltrate” Gonzaga.

A spokesperson for the university said that Mallow-Shanks had been planning for three years to seek a professorship in Gonzaga’s Culinary Arts program. There, according to a police report, Mallow-Shanks hoped to slowly begin to “convert students to vegetarianism and the principles laid forth in the ‘Spirit of Prophecy.’”

The would-be professor was arrested Friday for falsifying documents in his attempt to gain employment.

Had Mallow-Shanks been successful, it would have been the first time a Seventh-day Adventist successfully infiltrated a Jesuit university (if one does not count the late Samuele Bacchiocchi’s attendance at the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome).

Mallow-Shanks has a master’s degree in dietetics from Loma Linda University and at one time had his own cooking show on the Hope Channel called “Broiling With Brian.”

Adventist Preacher Screws Up, Calls Responsive Reading “Liturgy”

Pastor Blarvin Combs of the Manchester Seventh-day Adventist Church apologized to his church for an embarrassing gaffe on Saturday, July 13. While leading out in a responsive reading, Combs accidentally referred to it as “liturgy.”

One week later, Combs stood before the congregation to apologize saying, “I should have known better.” Combs told the church that he is well aware that Adventists call it “responsive reading,” not “liturgy,” and he blamed time spent with Anglican friends for the slip-up.

The apology did not assuage the concerns of some parishioners, who were dismayed to learn that Combs had been keeping company with “Sunday-keepers.” On Monday morning after his confessional, Combs’s name appeared on the website Hold Them Accountable. The website was created by Ang Hnu to provide free publicity for “Badventists” who don’t "educate truth."

The Manchester Church has taken steps to ensure that the mistake will not be repeated. The church’s head elder, Melwin Harmony, says that responsive readings will be eliminated from worship services to avoid potential confusion in the future.

*And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internet.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

COMING SOON: Caricatures of Adventists News Bulletin

Greetings purveyors of fine Sevy culture! Caricatures of Adventists is pleased to announce the unveiling of a new [potentially unreal, possibly satirical] news bulletin, the Adventist (insert copyright notice here) Grapevine! Look for the first issue in the days to come, fresh off the vine. And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internet!