SAU Freshman Receive "Mark of the Bietz"

HAPPY VALLEY, TENNESSEE - At the start of the new school year for incoming Freshmen at Southern Adventist University, a mixer welcoming new students brought a strange new ritual.

"Dr. Bietz gave us different color stickers that we were supposed to put either on our foreheads or the back of our hands to put us into different groups for the game," said Freshman film major, Junius Ortiz. "To tell you the truth, I took my sticker off my forehead to check whether it had a barcode or anything on it. But it didn't, so..."

Almost immediately after students began to receive the stickers from university president Gordon Bietz, students started calling the dots "The Mark of the Bietz."

Some parents who came to help their children settle in to university life were not pleased.

"This seems like a harmless little game, but it's not a laughing matter really," said one concerned mother who asked not to be named.

"This is a direct fulfillment of Bible prophecy that in the Last Days there would be scoffers. Well, here they are getting the 'Mark of the Bietz' and treating it like some joke. This is serious stuff!"

A university relations spokesperson issued a statement on behalf of the university the following day, saying,

We take seriously the concerns expressed by parents and constituents of the university. We want to assure all those with concerns that what students received was not the actual Mark of the Bietz. The real Mark is a red, hand-shaped mark on the forehead resulting from repetitive face-palming brought on by all the false crises, students "gifting" the president magazine subscriptions as a prank, and fake news stories on the Internet with which the president must contend.

Asked whether the statement did enough to alleviate concerns, the un-named mother said, "Kinda, not really."

Sometimes Reality is Funnier

We received this from one of our friends out West. This very cynical person is getting rid of their end-time ready, hand hewn log home. It's a classified ad from the Pacific Union Recorder, which includes California. Need we say more?

Adventists to Sue Stewart/Colbert for Holding Rally on Sabbath

SILVER SPRING - Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert held their Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear  Saturday, and Adventists are hopping mad.

Jeltza Nimble of the Adventist-run Center for Secular and Postmodern Studies in Silver Spring explains the ire this way:

"First of all, Jon Stewart, being Jewish, should know better than to hold a rally on Sabbath. We have been studying secular and postmodern people in America for a really long time now, and I can tell you that most of them were at this rally on Saturday. But the problem, and it was a glaring injustice, is that all the secular and postmodern Seventh-day Adventists were unable to go to this rally because it was held on Sabbath. And the one thing we know from our study of secular and postmodern Seventh-day Adventists is that they will not break the Sabbath, even for an event like this one!"

Nimble asserted that Stewart and Colbert's decision to hold the rally on a Saturday constitutes a "clear cut case of religious discrimination against all sabbatarians," and noted that over 10,000 Adventists living in the Washington D.C. metroplex would have likely attended the rally had it been held on a Wednesday evening.

Jackson Billamy, a 27 year old member of the Tacoma Park Seventh-day Adventist Church agrees.
"I would gladly have skipped the Wednesday night prayer meeting to attend the 'Restore Sanity' rally, but there is no way I'm going to miss church on Sabbath to be there. I feel like Adventists were really marginalized on this one."

Adventist Association of Religion Liberties Directors spokeswoman Patricia Frankstein says that a lawsuit will be brought against Comedy Central comedians Stewart and Colbert for the discriminatory rally. "We feel we have a solid case, and we intend to pursue it vigorously," Frankstein said in a press release.

Nimble told the GRAPEVINE that a rally against religious discrimination against Sabbath keepers is being planned for Saturday, November 27 on the National Mall in the nation's capitol. The march is tentatively being called the March to Restore Saturday, and will feature speeches from numerous religious liberty representatives, both Adventist and non-Adventist. A spokesperson for the event estimates that at least 500,000 people of faith will attend the event, "including many Jews."

Comdey Central did not respond to the GRAPEVINE's requests for comment.

*And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internets!

Off the Vine: Regional Conferences To Celebrate "Black Sabbath"

MARBILE ALABAMA - Dr. Melvin Haydrick, the president of the Deep Southern Regional Conference of Adventists announced today that regional conferences throughout the USA will celebrate "Black Sabbath" on October 23, 2010.  Haydrick told assembled press this denomination, which already observes "Creation Sabbath," "13th Sabbath," and "International Food-Tasting Sabbath," should give church members in the Deep Southern Region a Sabbath of their own.

Haydrick believes that "Black Sabbath" will be a special blessing to Adventists in his region who are "Dying For Love."

Asked what other objectives he has for the Deep Southern Regional Conference, Haydrick told the reporters he hopes that some people will also be able to finish an "Iron Man" after "Black Sabbath." When one reporter asked whether he had considered how close "Black Sabbath" would to the inauspicious event that occurred on October 22, Haydrick said that he hopes this event will not be a "Great Disappointment," quickly adding that he expects everything to go smoothly. Haydrick told the media that hopes he will not become "Paranoid" thinking about what might go wrong.

Adventist leaders hailed the announcement as a small step forward for regional conferences and a giant leap for Adventistkind. In a release issued the same day, Deep Dixie Conference president Spencer Stenckray said, "Having 'Black Sabbath' in our churches will go a long way toward healing what has divided us for so many decades." Stenckray called "Black Sabbath" a "welcome innovation" for the Adventists.

Click Here for previous news stories fresh off the Adventist Grapevine.

And remember, it doesn't matter if it's true or not if you read it on the Internet.

Fascinating Adventist Mathematics

also on Spectrum

Hail to the Chief

[WILSON]

:)

For Mature Adventist Audiences Only

With big Portland Maine thanks to MB!

You knew they're from Portland, right?

Creation: What REALLY Matters

As seen on the Spectrum Blog

This would be a good joke, except it's true

Found this bit of good cheer across the way at Spectrum. Apparently Adventists everywhere are working FOUR DAY WEEKS nowadays. It might please you to know that Caricatures of Adventists is ALWAYS on the job. Except of course for Sabbath. Naturally not that one. Naturally.

Credit where it's due: stole this graphic right off the Spectrum blog bcuz I liked it so much.

The Grapevine: News from Around Adventism

Adventist Chef Nearly Infiltrates Jesuit University

Dr. Thayne McCulloh is the new president at Gonzaga University, and he has a message for faculty and students at the Jesuit institution: “Watch out for Brian Mallow-Shanks.” Mallow- Shanks, from the New Hope Seventh-day Adventist Church in Chesterton Connecticut, was caught this week in an elaborate scheme to “infiltrate” Gonzaga.

A spokesperson for the university said that Mallow-Shanks had been planning for three years to seek a professorship in Gonzaga’s Culinary Arts program. There, according to a police report, Mallow-Shanks hoped to slowly begin to “convert students to vegetarianism and the principles laid forth in the ‘Spirit of Prophecy.’”

The would-be professor was arrested Friday for falsifying documents in his attempt to gain employment.

Had Mallow-Shanks been successful, it would have been the first time a Seventh-day Adventist successfully infiltrated a Jesuit university (if one does not count the late Samuele Bacchiocchi’s attendance at the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome).

Mallow-Shanks has a master’s degree in dietetics from Loma Linda University and at one time had his own cooking show on the Hope Channel called “Broiling With Brian.”


Adventist Preacher Screws Up, Calls Responsive Reading “Liturgy”

Pastor Blarvin Combs of the Manchester Seventh-day Adventist Church apologized to his church for an embarrassing gaffe on Saturday, July 13. While leading out in a responsive reading, Combs accidentally referred to it as “liturgy.”

One week later, Combs stood before the congregation to apologize saying, “I should have known better.” Combs told the church that he is well aware that Adventists call it “responsive reading,” not “liturgy,” and he blamed time spent with Anglican friends for the slip-up.

The apology did not assuage the concerns of some parishioners, who were dismayed to learn that Combs had been keeping company with “Sunday-keepers.” On Monday morning after his confessional, Combs’s name appeared on the website Hold Them Accountable. The website was created by Ang Hnu to provide free publicity for “Badventists” who don’t "educate truth."

The Manchester Church has taken steps to ensure that the mistake will not be repeated. The church’s head elder, Melwin Harmony, says that responsive readings will be eliminated from worship services to avoid potential confusion in the future.

*And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internet.

Ted Wilson Finally Has His Day

Another New T-Shirt!

Which type are you? Which version do you like better?


Art Copyright (C) 2010 Caricatures of Adventists
All rights reserved

New Shirt :-)

Cartoon Roundup

An Adventist in Heaven:
If Jesus had been raised Adventist:
Adventist Guardian Angel:

Old News

Saint Peter the Adventist:

Adventist Scientists

Adventist Cravings:

Cartoons created for and Copyright (C) 2008-2009 Adventist Today.

See More at www.atoday.com

Prophecy Chart Tee - Available @ Spectrum!!!

After a bit of a wait for you faithful fans of Adventist Humor, Caricatures of Adventists is pleased to announce that the famous prophecy chart T-shirt, pictured above, is now on sale at Spectrum Magazine's online store. Hurry over and order your shirt while supplies last!!

Of course the T-shirt is an original creation of yours truly, all the more reason to get one today!

CLICK HERE TO ORDER

A look back at the sketches of '08

Get Your Prophecy Chart Tee!

Now taking orders for this uniquely Adventist holiday gift.*

*Because of overwhelming popular demand, I have decided that this joke should become reality. People might actually buy this. Stay tuned for more.

St. Ellen The Pumpkin

Happy Halloween! For those of you not spooked by the word.

From the spirit of prophecy

Adventist Halloween Costumes

For Spectrum:

Halloween really spooks some Adventists (no fun intended):
"Seventh-day Adventists recognize that spiritualism has many faces. Some of them may seem harmless and even fun. Nevertheless, they lead children and adults away from God's truth, and can become stepping stones to further entanglement with the occult. Therefore, we do not recommend participation in the celebrations and festivities in connection with Halloween."

Gerhard Pfandl, Ph.D.
Associate DirectorBiblical Research Institute
From the Children's Ministries page of the GC website.

Separated at Birth?

Prominent Seventh-day Adventists and their celebrity lookalikes
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Doug Batchelor, Speaker / Director of Amazing Facts and his stunt doubleDon C. Schneider, President of the North American Division of SDAs and Cartman from South Park David Asscherick, Adventist minister / evangelist and Nedly Neilsworth the nerdy kid Don McLafferty, Childrens Ministries guy at the Collegedale SDA Church and Daniel Stern, the bad guy from the Home Alone movieJohn Byington, Adventist minister and first president of the General Conference of SDAs and Captain Ahab of Moby DickLloyd Mallory, Jr. Music Minister at the Sligo Adventist Church and Cedric the Entertainer, actorEllen G. White, Adventist pioneer and prolific writer and Lunch Lady Doris from the SimpsonsHyveth Williams, Senior Pastor of the Campus Hill Church in Loma Linda and Janice the Muppet Angel M. Rodriguez, President of the Adventist Biblical Research Institute and Yoda, Jedi master from Star WarsClifton Davis, Adventist pastor and actor and Denzel Washington, actorJames White, Adventist pioneer and Charles Darwin, naturalist and author John Nixon, Senior Pastor Collegedale SDA Church and the Albino from The Princess BrideGerald Penick, President of Southeastern California Conference and The Rock, professional wrestler-turned-actor. Goodloe H. Bell, Adventist pioneering educator and a broom.

Did we nail it? Are we way off? Have another look-alike suggestion for us? Leave a comment below!