Time to Take The Bible Just As It Reads

"The Spirit of Prophecy tells us that we are to take the Bible just as it reads," according to GC president Ted N. C. Wilson. Well, here is our humble attempt to do just that. This is the first installment of our #JustAsItReads series.

"The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and notable day of the Lord come"  Acts 2:20 (KJV)

Amazing Flax Creates Sunday Law Alert System

Amazing Flax unveiled its Sunday Law Threat Alerts warning chart today. Citing the immanent threat of a universal Sunday Law, the natural foods media empire called for a heightened state of vigilance for Sabbath keepers.

"This chart provides a way for Sabbath keepers to stay aware of the threat posed by the coalition of Sunday worshipers and government entities," said Amazing Flax speaker/directer Shrug Thatchelor.

Upon release of the chart, the threat level was immediately elevated to "somewhere between Lamblike Beast and Whore of Babylon," according to an Amazing Flax spokesperson.

Reaction from Sabbath keepers varied, from "Meh," at the Laodicean Sabbatarian Fellowship in California to "Everyone to the basement!" at the Get Your Own Oil Reformed Adventist Congregation in Michigan.

Asked for further elaboration on the making of the chart, Thatchelor stated, "The chart is based on the universal symbol of the National Sunday Law, the Catholic Pope. The threat is particularly high because this pope, like no other in history, has won over even secular governments. We are seeing the whole world wonder after this beast."

Ellen White Toast Apparition Validates Bible and Science Conference

MORMON COUNTRY, UTAH - Reports have been leaked to liberal Adventist media outlets of a supernatural event during the International Conference on Bible and Science in St. George Utah. According to many anonymous sources who attended the conference, an apparition of the face of Ellen White on a piece of toast was said to have confirmed the message of conference organizers.

The toast, a nine-grain bread provided by the host hotel in St. George, belonged to Dr. Richard Davidson of the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary at Andrews University. Richardson, a daily presenter at the conference, was reportedly shocked by Ellen's "astounding appearance."

The Ellen White apparition was first noticed by Jo Ann Davidson, also a frequent conference presenter from the Seminary.

"When Dick came back and sat down after getting seconds on the whole-grain toast, I glanced at his plate and let out an audible gasp," said Jo Ann.

Immediately, attendees from as far away as the Philippines gathered 'round the table to take turns looking at the miraculous toast. The bread was quickly and carefully placed in an airtight glass container for preservation.

On the last day of the conference, General Conference president Ted N. C. Wilson addressed the gathering to hail the Bread Encompassing Ellen's Face (B.E.E.F.).

"Ellen White's appearance confirms that the Spirit of Prophecy is with us," Wilson said to loud applause.

"It also provides further evidence of the validity of our End-Times Message of God's recent creation in six literal, consecutive, contiguous days. We now have a clearer-than-ever mandate to clarify the language in our Fundamental Belief #6! Furthermore, if you don't eat nine-grain bread, you are not truly a Seventh-day Adventist, and you should resign your rolls," Wilson adjured.

Conference co-organizer Ed Zinke added his view that there could no longer be any question over the validity of Young Earth Creationism.

"This Blessed Toast confirms the message we came to proclaim to you."

After Zinke's words, delegates unanimously voted a strongly-worded statement that called for nine-grain bread to be served in every Adventist institution around the world, and for recipes to be widely disseminated for educational purposes. The statement also included clauses about the Sanctity of Male Headship and Traditional Marriage.

Next, delegates received envelopes with generous per diem allowances furnished by Ed Zinke, and boarded buses for the Las Vegas Strip in Nevada, where many delegates spent the evening gambling and watching the Singing Fountains at the Bellagio Hotel.

And remember, if you read it on the Internet, it must be true!

ARE YOU READY FOR AN ADVENTIST PRESIDENT???

With a face and a persona as splendidly caricaturable as Dr. Ben Carson, we certainly are (but for all the wrong reasons).

It's almost Campaign Season and we might have a Seventh-day Adventist in the mix for the first time. 

Here's a freebie for all you patriotical Ben Carson #RunBenRun #Carson2016 people out there. Please use only with attribution. Cheers.

And for your information, those of you who wondered (I see you), Obama is not an Adventist. Here's the proof: http://sdacaricatures.blogspot.com/2008/11/obama-not-adventist.html

Don't Pop It! People Live In There!

#BobbleHeadship

The Andrews University Seminary released a statement on headship saying in part:

"We, the faculty of the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary, affirm that Christ is the only Head of the Church (Eph 1:22; 5:23; Col 1:18). Therefore, while there exists legitimate leadership in the Church, no other human being may rightfully claim a headship role in the Church."

 We here at Caricatures of Adventists took this as an opportunity to launch our special, limited edition series of Male Headship Bobblehead dolls to honor the indefatigable proponents of Male Headship. Look for them in specially marked packages of Revival and Reformation at your local ABC that is probably going out of business. SO ACT NOW!

More #BobbleHeadship to come!

Adventist or Not? Who Decides?

Happy Halloween. Keep it Spooky!

Women's Ordination????

Adventists to Sue Stewart/Colbert for Holding Rally on Sabbath

SILVER SPRING - Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert held their Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear  Saturday, and Adventists are hopping mad.

Jeltza Nimble of the Adventist-run Center for Secular and Postmodern Studies in Silver Spring explains the ire this way:

"First of all, Jon Stewart, being Jewish, should know better than to hold a rally on Sabbath. We have been studying secular and postmodern people in America for a really long time now, and I can tell you that most of them were at this rally on Saturday. But the problem, and it was a glaring injustice, is that all the secular and postmodern Seventh-day Adventists were unable to go to this rally because it was held on Sabbath. And the one thing we know from our study of secular and postmodern Seventh-day Adventists is that they will not break the Sabbath, even for an event like this one!"

Nimble asserted that Stewart and Colbert's decision to hold the rally on a Saturday constitutes a "clear cut case of religious discrimination against all sabbatarians," and noted that over 10,000 Adventists living in the Washington D.C. metroplex would have likely attended the rally had it been held on a Wednesday evening.

Jackson Billamy, a 27 year old member of the Tacoma Park Seventh-day Adventist Church agrees.
"I would gladly have skipped the Wednesday night prayer meeting to attend the 'Restore Sanity' rally, but there is no way I'm going to miss church on Sabbath to be there. I feel like Adventists were really marginalized on this one."

Adventist Association of Religion Liberties Directors spokeswoman Patricia Frankstein says that a lawsuit will be brought against Comedy Central comedians Stewart and Colbert for the discriminatory rally. "We feel we have a solid case, and we intend to pursue it vigorously," Frankstein said in a press release.

Nimble told the GRAPEVINE that a rally against religious discrimination against Sabbath keepers is being planned for Saturday, November 27 on the National Mall in the nation's capitol. The march is tentatively being called the March to Restore Saturday, and will feature speeches from numerous religious liberty representatives, both Adventist and non-Adventist. A spokesperson for the event estimates that at least 500,000 people of faith will attend the event, "including many Jews."

Comdey Central did not respond to the GRAPEVINE's requests for comment.

*And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internets!

Another New T-Shirt!

Which type are you? Which version do you like better?


Art Copyright (C) 2010 Caricatures of Adventists
All rights reserved

Cartoon Roundup

An Adventist in Heaven:
If Jesus had been raised Adventist:
Adventist Guardian Angel:

Old News

Saint Peter the Adventist:

Adventist Scientists

Adventist Cravings:

Cartoons created for and Copyright (C) 2008-2009 Adventist Today.

See More at www.atoday.com

Prophecy Chart Tee - Available @ Spectrum!!!

After a bit of a wait for you faithful fans of Adventist Humor, Caricatures of Adventists is pleased to announce that the famous prophecy chart T-shirt, pictured above, is now on sale at Spectrum Magazine's online store. Hurry over and order your shirt while supplies last!!

Of course the T-shirt is an original creation of yours truly, all the more reason to get one today!

CLICK HERE TO ORDER

Delbert W. Baker, Ph.D.

Delbert Baker has way too much going on to mention all of his accomplishments here. He is a prolific writer, a minister, and currently serves as president of Oakwood University. That's right, University. It's not Oakwood College anymore. 

Baker has done as much as or more than any other Adventist to promote racial and ethnic unity amid Adventism's rich cultural diversity. For more biographical information, visit Dr. Baker's Wikipedia page.

Jay Gallimore

Jay Gallimore is the president of the Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. According to the Michigan Conference website, "The president is the spiritual leader of those in ministry and overseer of all the churches."

Gallimore likes evangelism. A lot. He is a former evangelist himself (though he still does evangelistic meetings), and he works with David Asscherick's ARISE Institute and Louis Torres's Mission College of Evangelism. By "works with" I mean hires people from the field schools of evangelism to work in the Michigan Conference.

David Gates Digital Painting

A look back at the sketches of '08

2009! Year of Evangelism?

The GC has dubbed 2009 the Year of Evangelism. So here's some wishes for the new year from Mark Finley, Shawn Boonstra, and Doug Batchelor--three of Adventism's best known evangelistic people.

Happy New Year!

Some Doug Batchelor after Andy Warhol to ring in the New Year.

Marvin Mooreclaus