Thursday, September 4, 2014

Amazing Flax Creates Sunday Law Alert System

Amazing Flax unveiled its Sunday Law Threat Alerts warning chart today. Citing the immanent threat of a universal Sunday Law, the natural foods media empire called for a heightened state of vigilance for Sabbath keepers.

"This chart provides a way for Sabbath keepers to stay aware of the threat posed by the coalition of Sunday worshipers and government entities," said Amazing Flax speaker/directer Shrug Thatchelor.

Upon release of the chart, the threat level was immediately elevated to "somewhere between Lamblike Beast and Whore of Babylon," according to an Amazing Flax spokesperson.

Reaction from Sabbath keepers varied, from "Meh," at the Laodicean Sabbatarian Fellowship in California to "Everyone to the basement!" at the Get Your Own Oil Reformed Adventist Congregation in Michigan.

Asked for further elaboration on the making of the chart, Thatchelor stated, "The chart is based on the universal symbol of the National Sunday Law, the Catholic Pope. The threat is particularly high because this pope, like no other in history, has won over even secular governments. We are seeing the whole world wonder after this beast."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have to say as a Catholic, I find this funny!