Off the Vine: Regional Conferences To Celebrate "Black Sabbath"

MARBILE ALABAMA - Dr. Melvin Haydrick, the president of the Deep Southern Regional Conference of Adventists announced today that regional conferences throughout the USA will celebrate "Black Sabbath" on October 23, 2010.  Haydrick told assembled press this denomination, which already observes "Creation Sabbath," "13th Sabbath," and "International Food-Tasting Sabbath," should give church members in the Deep Southern Region a Sabbath of their own.

Haydrick believes that "Black Sabbath" will be a special blessing to Adventists in his region who are "Dying For Love."

Asked what other objectives he has for the Deep Southern Regional Conference, Haydrick told the reporters he hopes that some people will also be able to finish an "Iron Man" after "Black Sabbath." When one reporter asked whether he had considered how close "Black Sabbath" would to the inauspicious event that occurred on October 22, Haydrick said that he hopes this event will not be a "Great Disappointment," quickly adding that he expects everything to go smoothly. Haydrick told the media that hopes he will not become "Paranoid" thinking about what might go wrong.

Adventist leaders hailed the announcement as a small step forward for regional conferences and a giant leap for Adventistkind. In a release issued the same day, Deep Dixie Conference president Spencer Stenckray said, "Having 'Black Sabbath' in our churches will go a long way toward healing what has divided us for so many decades." Stenckray called "Black Sabbath" a "welcome innovation" for the Adventists.

Click Here for previous news stories fresh off the Adventist Grapevine.

And remember, it doesn't matter if it's true or not if you read it on the Internet.

Fascinating Adventist Mathematics

also on Spectrum

Hail to the Chief

[WILSON]

:)

I Love ALBANIA!

So one day (today) I was reviewing the stats for my blog, and I was totally surprised (in a good way) to find out that the third highest ranking country for visitors recently is Albania!

I love you, Albanians who are visiting my blog!

For Mature Adventist Audiences Only

With big Portland Maine thanks to MB!

You knew they're from Portland, right?

Creation: What REALLY Matters

As seen on the Spectrum Blog

This would be a good joke, except it's true

Found this bit of good cheer across the way at Spectrum. Apparently Adventists everywhere are working FOUR DAY WEEKS nowadays. It might please you to know that Caricatures of Adventists is ALWAYS on the job. Except of course for Sabbath. Naturally not that one. Naturally.

Credit where it's due: stole this graphic right off the Spectrum blog bcuz I liked it so much.

Guest Submission: Dance With Me

I received this submission from some anonymous rabble rouser who apparently likes the Simpsons. And makes a fine statement in fine style. Have a gander (click on image to view large):

And thanks anonymous mischief-maker, whoever you are 

;-)

The Grapevine: News from Around Adventism

Adventist Chef Nearly Infiltrates Jesuit University

Dr. Thayne McCulloh is the new president at Gonzaga University, and he has a message for faculty and students at the Jesuit institution: “Watch out for Brian Mallow-Shanks.” Mallow- Shanks, from the New Hope Seventh-day Adventist Church in Chesterton Connecticut, was caught this week in an elaborate scheme to “infiltrate” Gonzaga.

A spokesperson for the university said that Mallow-Shanks had been planning for three years to seek a professorship in Gonzaga’s Culinary Arts program. There, according to a police report, Mallow-Shanks hoped to slowly begin to “convert students to vegetarianism and the principles laid forth in the ‘Spirit of Prophecy.’”

The would-be professor was arrested Friday for falsifying documents in his attempt to gain employment.

Had Mallow-Shanks been successful, it would have been the first time a Seventh-day Adventist successfully infiltrated a Jesuit university (if one does not count the late Samuele Bacchiocchi’s attendance at the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome).

Mallow-Shanks has a master’s degree in dietetics from Loma Linda University and at one time had his own cooking show on the Hope Channel called “Broiling With Brian.”


Adventist Preacher Screws Up, Calls Responsive Reading “Liturgy”

Pastor Blarvin Combs of the Manchester Seventh-day Adventist Church apologized to his church for an embarrassing gaffe on Saturday, July 13. While leading out in a responsive reading, Combs accidentally referred to it as “liturgy.”

One week later, Combs stood before the congregation to apologize saying, “I should have known better.” Combs told the church that he is well aware that Adventists call it “responsive reading,” not “liturgy,” and he blamed time spent with Anglican friends for the slip-up.

The apology did not assuage the concerns of some parishioners, who were dismayed to learn that Combs had been keeping company with “Sunday-keepers.” On Monday morning after his confessional, Combs’s name appeared on the website Hold Them Accountable. The website was created by Ang Hnu to provide free publicity for “Badventists” who don’t "educate truth."

The Manchester Church has taken steps to ensure that the mistake will not be repeated. The church’s head elder, Melwin Harmony, says that responsive readings will be eliminated from worship services to avoid potential confusion in the future.

*And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internet.

COMING SOON: Caricatures of Adventists News Bulletin

Greetings purveyors of fine Sevy culture! Caricatures of Adventists is pleased to announce the unveiling of a new [potentially unreal, possibly satirical] news bulletin, the Adventist (insert copyright notice here) Grapevine! Look for the first issue in the days to come, fresh off the vine. And remember, it doesn't matter whether it's true or not if you read it on the Internet!

Ted Wilson Finally Has His Day

Another New T-Shirt!

Which type are you? Which version do you like better?


Art Copyright (C) 2010 Caricatures of Adventists
All rights reserved

New Shirt :-)

Separated at Birth?

Meet Michael Steele, A Republican politician recently appointed Chair of the RNC. Could he be Adventist Evangelist Doug Batchelor's long lost twin brother? Consider the evidence:Both do the clasped hands=sincerity thingBoth know the power shake routineBoth enjoy a good photo op

Both talk with their hands

Michael Steele = 13 letters. Doug Batchelor = 13 letters

Both men lean far to the right. Both men wear oval-shaped glasses. Both men sport the "deforestation" hairdo. Both men counter their "low tide" hairstyles with dapper moustaches.

COINCIDENCE??? You be the judge.

Cartoon Roundup

An Adventist in Heaven:
If Jesus had been raised Adventist:
Adventist Guardian Angel:

Old News

Saint Peter the Adventist:

Adventist Scientists

Adventist Cravings:

Cartoons created for and Copyright (C) 2008-2009 Adventist Today.

See More at www.atoday.com

Prophecy Chart Tee - Available @ Spectrum!!!

After a bit of a wait for you faithful fans of Adventist Humor, Caricatures of Adventists is pleased to announce that the famous prophecy chart T-shirt, pictured above, is now on sale at Spectrum Magazine's online store. Hurry over and order your shirt while supplies last!!

Of course the T-shirt is an original creation of yours truly, all the more reason to get one today!

CLICK HERE TO ORDER

Friendly Service Announcement to the Chinese Online Casino That's Been Spamming My Blog

Delbert W. Baker, Ph.D.

Delbert Baker has way too much going on to mention all of his accomplishments here. He is a prolific writer, a minister, and currently serves as president of Oakwood University. That's right, University. It's not Oakwood College anymore. 

Baker has done as much as or more than any other Adventist to promote racial and ethnic unity amid Adventism's rich cultural diversity. For more biographical information, visit Dr. Baker's Wikipedia page.

Jay Gallimore

Jay Gallimore is the president of the Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists. According to the Michigan Conference website, "The president is the spiritual leader of those in ministry and overseer of all the churches."

Gallimore likes evangelism. A lot. He is a former evangelist himself (though he still does evangelistic meetings), and he works with David Asscherick's ARISE Institute and Louis Torres's Mission College of Evangelism. By "works with" I mean hires people from the field schools of evangelism to work in the Michigan Conference.

David Gates Digital Painting

A look back at the sketches of '08

2009! Year of Evangelism?

The GC has dubbed 2009 the Year of Evangelism. So here's some wishes for the new year from Mark Finley, Shawn Boonstra, and Doug Batchelor--three of Adventism's best known evangelistic people.

Happy New Year!

Some Doug Batchelor after Andy Warhol to ring in the New Year.