Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Southern Students Busted (?) for Spilling Seed in Showers [UPDATED]

Bad news! Southern Adventist University students have been committing the same sin for which Onan (the Barbarian, in Genesis 38:9ff) was smitten by God. That is, they have been spilling their seed on the ground. In showers, apparently. That's right, Southern Adventist University has been after its boy students for masturbating in the washrooms. The posted notices in Talge Hall bathrooms received thoughtful replies from students: "Let us bring in girls, or we're gonna keep on Onaning in the showers!"


It reads: 

We have recently found several blockages in showers in university owned accommodation, most commonly caused by human hair.

However, over last term we found many of these blockages to be caused by large quantities of what we have now determined to be semen. This is [indecipherable]. The shower drains and plumbing were not designed to handle the amount of semen being put into the system.

We advise students to remember that masturbating is a sin. If you believe otherwise, we ask that you please help keep our dorms sanitary and avoid doing so in the showers. 

For any further questions, consult your RA. The [indecipherable] staff and your fellow dorm mates appreciate your cooperation in this matter. 


via Gio Writes Here

UPDATE: So, it turns out that this is a fun little prank that has been making its way around dorms in the U.S. and A (see comments section). What is obviously true, given the hand-scribbled response is that...well...

26 comments:

Robert Jacobson said...

There are no doors on the showers in Talge Hall. Dudes are doing it in an open room. Uncomfortable thought.

boiwater said...

this is a joke. LSU has a poster on their dorm bathrooms with the exact text with their own logo.

Marc said...

This problem has roots even further back than most people realize. There is a habitual precursor to masturbation that 99% of people end up doing. In fact, your children may be doing it THIS VERY MOMENT, perhaps TOGETHER! And many so-called "experts" these days, wallowing in their secular moral relativism, actually RECOMMEND this behavior.

I am, of course, speaking of thumbsucking and pacifier use. Ubiquitous they are. Innocuous they seem. But consider the many, insidiously similar characteristics they share with masturbation and you realize that the pacifier you bought for them the other day is buying you hours of sleep for the mere cost of a couple of dollars and YOUR CHILD'S VERY SOUL.

Masturbation is self-stimulation of the genital areas in order to satisfy a biological urge without the procreation that results (within the confines of marriage, of course) as per God's ineffable design. The practice of sucking on one's thumb or with the aid of a pacifier satisfies the biological urge of feeding without the infant actually procuring nourishment.

Now, I'm not saying that pacifiers are a precursor to sex toys, but of course they are. Pull your newborn infant's thumb out of its mouth, and deny it the use of a pacifier. After all, if they don't learn how to control their baser urges as babies, how do you expect them to control their carnal desires later on in life?

zgryphon said...

I think the two words missing in the transcription there are "deplorable" and "management", respectively.

I have to kind of admire any organization that a) feels it necessary to confront this issue head-on, as it were, and b) chooses the adjective "deplorable" to summarize it. I mean, I don't agree with them, but on some level, I give them points for bold word choices. I'd have gone with "grody" rather than taking the moral highroad, but then, I'm not the administration of a religious college.

Ezekiel Chester said...

The unknown word is "intolerable" :)

Anonymous said...

Indecipherable word seems to be "unbelievable"

SDA Caricatures said...

boiwater (what does that even MEAN?!):

Photos to share of the excellent prank, if it truly is one?

mutedcolor said...

I discussed this with a guy friend who was at Southern last semester when this happened. Apparently one of the shower facilities has curtains and that's where it was posted.

Giovanni said...

I'm not sure if it was a joke or not. As I said on the post on my blog, I did check with some friends at La Sierra, PUC and Andrews and they all said they hadn't seen/heard of anything like this at their schools.

Either way, it's gold.

Anonymous said...

It's a joke. The exact same text was used in several joke college postings last year. Here's one link from Google:

http://cambridgetab.co.uk/news/24durham-students-warned1-to-stop-masturbating-in-showers

SDA Caricatures said...

OK, kids. Party's over. Everyone back to the showers...err....dorm rooms. And you, Gio, I'll see you in the office.

Anonymous said...

I'm a student at Southern and I can confirm that this was actually posted at the school. This happened before Christmas after they had to fix the drains in one of the showers in the dorm. It may have been a joke elsewhere, but it was definitely posted in Talge.

Anonymous said...

FYI (not that it really matters): all talge bathrooms have shower stalls with curtains

Anonymous said...

I remember when the Dean put this up. It was awesome!

Dennis Fischer said...

Ellen White insisted that masturbation is the same as committing suicide:

"If they choose to corrupt their ways before the Lord, defile their own bodies and commit self-murder, they can do so; but they should remember the judgment is to sit, and the books are to be opened, and they are to be judged out of those things which are written in the books, according to their works...Such are just as surely self-murderers as though they pointed a pistol to their own breast, and destroyed life instantly."
--An Appeal to Mothers, 1864

Anonymous said...

Okay, I confess. I'm the guy they caught causing all this in the first place. But hey, I figured it was mine and I could wash it just as fast as I wanted to. Who knew?

Dellynews said...

It's an old college joke. You can find different versions of it on the Internet.

Like here : www.lionsdenu.com

or here : Cambridgeta.co.ukb

Anonymous said...

I really hope the owners of this blog are not claiming to be SDA because they are not. This is just plain lies, and I can't believe this blog would circulate such gutter garbage even in the name of "humor".

SDA Caricatures said...

Dear Anonymous Commenter,

Thank you for taking the time to write a [thoroughly confusing] response. It is not clear from your comment whether you're saying that the owners of this blog are not SDA or are not claiming to be SDA or that they are not SDA because they are not claiming to be...

Next time you share your frustrations about people who do not write what you think they should be writing, please consider the many ways your comments could be read and pick one option in order to reduce the frustration of people trying to decipher your comments' meaning.

Have a very Adventist day.

G and T said...

Joke or not, it's hilarious either way.

Anonymous said...

erase this blog!! terrible... LIES! i went to southern... nobody does that...

SDA Caricatures said...

Yes, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, the hand-written response in the picture reveals just how right you are!!!!

Natalie said...

You guys who are so utterly appalled by this need to get out of your little Adventist Bubble and learn to deal with the real world. And develop a sense of humor, will ya? Good grief! There is no Biblical evidence to support that masturbating is a sin, and those of you who are EGG WHITE worshippers, the all-knowing, all-mighty Ellen White is NOT God contrary to popular Adventist belief!

Anonymous said...

These may be even funnier to us old ex-SDA's.
Keep up the good work!!!

Anonymous said...

so what?....useless news i must admit before it is too late, check matthew 12v36

Anonymous said...

the first word is "intolerable" and not "deplorable". and funny it is! lol