Thursday, November 3, 2011

After Pro-Women Vote, Pastor Doug Returns to Cave











Seventh-day Adventist MegaPastor-Evangelist Doug Batchelor is reportedly walking away from his Amazing Facts empire after a proposal to allow women to be presidents within the denomination "went south."

After news broke that in North America, women would be allowed to challenge men for top positions following an overwhelming vote in favor of not restricting conference presidency to people with "boy parts," Batchelor said on his radio show, "I didn't go to semen-ary just to see this happen. Come to think of it, I didn't go to semen-ary."

The senior pastor of the Sacramento Central Adventist Church told his members that he would be returning to the cave of his youth where he could "swim in the buff without having to worry about women." According to reports, Batchelor will also be selling off his media-related assets, which include a satellite, a radio show, a television show, an internet show, a website with a "donate" button, and several "viral" videos in which he can be seen claiming that women should not be attend seminaries because the root of the word seminary is "semen" which women clearly do not possess (this is actually true). The videos do not, however, place any prohibitions on women who give semen-ars.

With the wealth from the Amazing Facts selloff, Batchelor is expected to reclaim his former title of "The Richest Caveman" as he returns to his cave. Sources tell us that he is already in negotiations with Amazing Facts TV concerning a proposed reality show entitled "The MAN Cave: No Girls Allowed."

And remember--It doesn't matter if it's true or not if you read it on the Internets.

6 comments:

Jack Guccione said...

can you please post more!? i love this.

Jack Guccione said...

Can you post more?! i love your blog!

Jack Guccione said...

I love your blog, i hope you keep posting!!

Rajmund Dabrowski said...

Health of any religion can be measured by how it uses humor to protect it's reality. Well done Brother Humorist!

Rajmund Dabrowski said...

Health of any religion can be measured by how it uses humor to protect it's reality. Well done Brother Humorist!

Barbara Gambardella said...

I have a problem believing Doug Batchlor would do something like this. He is not a man crazy for money. If he was he would have gone after his father's estate. when he died a few years back, but chose not to go that route. Doug is one of the finest Christian man I've ever listened to on television. He knows his Bible and tells only the truth from the Word of God. Solo Scriptora !!!!!!!